Reconnect with Your Authentic Self
Something is just not right. There’s every reason to be happy, but you just can’t shake the feeling that you are living someone else’s version of happy. We are all wired to connect with others. But, sometimes, we can shrink ourselves to fit in to other people’s lives. And we may even start to believe that to please the people we love, we have to be a limited version of ourselves.
But often that means that the beauty and expansiveness of who we are is dimmed. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s harder to create the healthy, fulfilling relationships we desire with others.
If you’re ready to reconnect with your authentic self – start with these 4 ideas.
Create breathing room and quiet the noise in your head
You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to take on the Pinterest project, juggle family responsibilities and housework seamlessly, and keep everyone in the house happy. With all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear anything. Without breathing room in our day, we continue to create a pattern of busyness and self-neglect. How do you break the pattern? Set up systems to simply and delegate. Setting up systems, simplifying, and delegating will give you a needed permission slip to prioritize your needs without guilt.
Nurture Self-Compassionate Thoughts
You are valuable, worthy, and have something to offer the world that no one else does. How do I know? Because I have worked with hundreds of people, just like you, who doubt themselves. And through our work, I get to see parts of them reemerge and do badass things like share their passions with others and dare to have more authentic relationships. But, it is not enough for me to believe it. YOU have to believe it. If you aren’t there yet, it is okay. We live in a world that teaches us to be harsh with ourselves. How do we begin to nurture more self-compassionate thinking in ourselves? Begin to consciously listen to the things you say to yourself. Would you say those things to a loved one, a friend, a coworker? If not, think about what a loved one would say to you. Think about those words, the tone of voice they would use, and the way they would remind you of your inner strength and beauty. The more you can imagine (and believe) those words being said to you, the deeper you will integrate them into the way you talk to yourself.
What is your heart saying?
At the risk of sounding cheesy, we have to tune in and listen to our heart. As adults, we’ve been told that being emotional is bad. But, if we aren’t listening to our heart, our intuition, or our inner knowing, we are missing a HUGE piece of the equation. How do we tune into our heart? The easiest way to listen to our heart is by tuning into our body. It gets us out of our head and into the present. Let’s try something. Get comfortable and take a few deep breaths. Once you are a bit more relaxed, I want you to think about something you know to be true about a desire or goal that you have. It could be something like, “I want to feel confident and capable in parenting my child.” Notice what happens to your body. Does it feel lighter, calmer, relaxed? Now, let’s try the opposite. Think about what it feels like to not have your desire or goal realized. What happens to your body? Does it feel heavier, tense, smaller? Congratulations! You just created space to listen to what your heart was saying.
Get comfortable with the journey and not the destination
We are beautiful, imperfect, messy beings that are constantly learning and growing. We will always have areas of growth. Finding ourselves doesn’t mean that we become perfect. It just means we prioritize an authentic relationship with our self. Just like any relationship, what we are after is a feeling—respect, love, worthiness. If we focus too heavily on the destination, we’ll miss the small moments that make us feel more alive and more authentically us. Keep an open mind to what you want to feel, and be willing to adjust your expectations around what brings you those feelings. Determine not just where you want to go, but who you want to be when you get there. As you do this, you’ll shed what no longer fits, and your real self will come shining through.
When you allow your authentic self to shine, you'll begin to make choices that feel good, and those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are. How freeing would that feel?